Release:  I want you to be free from me
by palmamalia
Summary: After her confession, Booth thought it best to ignore her.  When he finally comes to his senses, he will find her gone.    * this is a better edited version of the same story.
1. Chapter 1

**Release**

Several weeks had passed since the last time he had seen her; several weeks since her tearful confession; several weeks since he had cold-heartedly refused her, left her alone: soaked to the skin, cold, pale ... broken. He remembers feeling somewhat vindicated as he watched her morosely step out of the car without a glance back in his direction. That night he had celebrated with his girlfriend and in the morning he had woken with the feeling that the world had shifted a little more in his favour. He remembers getting to work with little hassle, happy that there was no case and therefore no reason to see her or hear her scientific ramblings and cold rationalizations of the night before. He had forced himself not to question how the case file from the Eames case had found its way on his desk mere hours after its resolution; he only signed his name appropriately and closed the file, putting the case and everything that came with it behind him. Several weeks had passed unnoticed: no cases, no contact, no bodies, no Bones. He had even taken a few days off, enjoying the string of good luck that had seemed to befall him - as if the universe understood his need to be away from her and the lab for the time being.

He wishes now he had paid more attention; he wishes now he had not taken things for granted, that he had returned all those phone calls and e-mails from the Jeffersonian and Sweets and that his pride had not prevented him from doing so. He wishes, though impossible, to go back and do things differently - be the man she had showed him he could be. Instead he held the proof in his hands that he had indeed abandoned that man - the man who promised never to abandon her only to be the man that did.

xxxxxxx

She awoke after a restless sleep, cold and damp from having slept in her rain soaked cloths, to the shrill of her cell phone. She sighed heavily, having no real intention of heading into work this particular morning. But, as it was, she would never shirk a responsibility - it just wasn't in her nature.

"Brennan."

"Brennan, I need you to come down to the lab right away!"

Cam's voice and words sparked a sudden fear in the anthropologist.

"Is Angela ok, Cam? The baby?"

"Yes, she's fine..." Cam heard a sigh of relief on the other end of the line and immediately felt guilty for having spoken so vaguely, "sorry to worry you like that."

"Ok, good, its alright ... though your tone suggests a great urgency."

"Yes, the Board of Directors has requested a meeting with both you and me in attendance..."

"When?"

"Within the hour..." she responded hesitantly, waiting for an argument.

"I'll be right there."

She hung up the phone determined to help Cam assuage the Board of Directors and any of their concerns regarding the lab; felt that she owed that to her since everything that happened while in the Malukus, as Cam had pointed out, had been her fault. She rose from the bed, peeling the stiff cloths from her body determined to let the hot water from her shower thaw the cold that had seemed to envelope her body and her metaphorical soul. Somehow she knew that last night would not be the end of her heart break.

xxxxxxx

"We're sorry Dr. Brennan, but the funds are just not there. We understand and appreciate that you are the best in your field but we cannot afford your salary any longer. You are the highest paid employee at the Jeffersonian, and since your time in Indonesia, funding for the lab has dropped considerably..."

Brennan sat stoically as she listened to Dr. Roberts explain the reasons behind her dismissal, but really, she was dumbfounded, and felt an even colder vise squeezing around her heart. Her instincts were telling her to flee, to run but in respect for Cam, she fought against those instincts and remained sitting and listening to them drone on. She had never been fired before - had never been asked to leave a project because she was too good at her job. The rationale was surreal.

"...Dr. Clark Edison has agreed to take over your position at half your pay and the usual rotation of interns will help pick up the slack-"

"I'm sorry," Cam interrupted, "let me get this straight ... you're firing the best anthropologist in the world in order to cut costs?"

Cam could no longer sit idly by while they compromised the integrity of her lab, her team and her friend and colleague.

"You have totally blindsided me and Dr. Brennan, you're compromising the very-"

Brennan felt her heart swell at Cam's defense but she couldn't let her jeopardize her job as well. She understood quickly that there was no use in fighting their decision. It seemed she was replaceable: Booth had replaced her in his heart with Hannah and the Jeffersonian had replaced her in her work with Dr. Edison. It was fitting, simply fitting that the things that had come to define her over the years were now being taken from her. She placed a hand on Cam's arm in an attempt to calm her tirade. When Cam looked down at her hand and regarded her with a look of apology she offered Cam a small, sad smile, silently telling her to let it go, that there was nothing to be done.

"When do the changes take effect?"

"In two weeks time, Dr. Brennan. We thought that would be sufficient time for you to find a new project or place for employment where you believe your talents would be of most use."

Brennan nodded, an unspoken question hanging in the air.

"We have already contacted Deputy Director Cullen at the FBI and he has assured us that there will be no cases during this time."

Brennan glanced at Cam who seemed to be struck suddenly by a case of shocked silence. She returned her gaze to the board and Dr. Roberts.

"Good, thank you. Is that all?"

"Yes-"

Brennan stood abruptly and headed for the door; Cam followed still silent.

"Dr. Brennan?"

Brennan paused and turned, waiting for Dr. Roberts to continue.

"Its been an honour working with you."

She nodded her thanks and followed Cam out, feeling inexplicably like the weight of the world was on her shoulders threatening to crush her.

xxxxxxx

"Angela, please ... think about this! Its not fair to Cam if both you and Hodgins resign. She'll lose her job as well..."

She had convinced Cam to keep the news of her dismissal from the rest of the lab until she felt she was emotionally and physically ready for the fallout. Days had passed and with them came an understanding that that readiness would never occur. She was falling apart. She didn't sleep and the thought of eating only made her nauseous. She was exhausted - too exhausted to deal with everyone's emotions and her own. She didn't think she had enough strength left.

"Why didn't you tell me, Bren?"

"You know me Angela, I needed time to process everything, until I felt ready enough to face it."

"Are you ready now?"

"Absolutely not," she admitted, "but I couldn't put it off any longer..." Brennan watched as Angela took up her pacing.

"I'm sorry, Angela, but I didn't want to upset you or the baby..."

Angela stopped her pacing long enough to get a good look at her friend. She seemed so drained and defeated, so unlike the woman she has come to know.

"I appreciate that, Bren, but I would have been upset regardless... How can you expect me to stay on without you?"

"Because Cam is just as much a part of our family as I am. And just because I am no longer here does not mean that we can abandon her. She needs us now more than ever," she insisted.

Angela was amazed at her absolute selflessness, amazed that her friend couldn't see the extent of her open heart, regardless of what Booth had led her to believe.

"And what about you, Bren? Where will you go? What will you do? If we let you leave here alone, we'd be abandoning you!"

"Truthfully, Angela ... I'm not sure where I will go and what I will do. I must have read through two dozen offers, some in some very remote parts of the world that I've always wanted to visit, but they don't really interest me at the moment. I was thinking of taking a sabbatical, concentrate on my writing ... recover from everything... And I want to be here during your pregnancy and the birth of your child. I find I very much want to share those things with you..."

Touched by her words, Angela collapsed on the couch and took Brennan in a strong embrace, and for a moment she felt some of that cold she had been feeling lately dissipate.

"A sabbatical sounds just like the thing you need," she reassured her.

"What about Booth? Does he know you are no longer partners? Not that he deserves to know-"

"Angela, its ok ... don't be mad at him. He's only trying to be happy, we shouldn't begrudge him that, ok? As to notifying him, I have left him several messages over the last couple of days and so has Cam. He hasn't returned any of them and I have given up trying to get in touch with him. I have asked Dr. Roberts to inform him formally and he has assured me that he will take care of it."

Angela nodded a silent understanding though inside her anger and disgust at the agent was threatening to bubble over. If she thought he was a bastard when he returned from Afghanistan, now he was a downright asshole. She hoped he suffered some kind of collapse when he found out.

"Is your dad going to keep teaching the science program or did he already resign?"

"No, I convinced him to stay on as well. He is such a good teacher and it would be a shame to leave the students hanging like that ... especially Parker."

"You're too good, Bren, you know that?"

"It would seem Angela that though I am good I am not good enough."

"Bren-"

Brennan stood abruptly putting a stop to the conversation.

"I should start packing ... Lunch?"

Angela offered a small smile of acceptance and watched silently as Brennan walked back to the office that would not be a comfort to her any longer.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

He didn't know how she did it, but Hannah had convinced him to go to the Founding Fathers for an after dinner drink. He had been meticulously avoiding the Founding Fathers and various other squinty hot spots in order to avoid confrontation and having to pretend to be happy to see them; unbeknownst to him, however, the squints, in their loyalty to Brennan, were avoiding any place that had to do with him, prolonging the inevitable day he would return to work under the new guidelines as much as possible.

He thought it would be safe, it was pretty late, there were no cases and therefore no reason to go out and celebrate. He walked in, not without a slight trepidation in his steps, and had a quick glance around, thankful that no one from the lab was there. He and Hannah settled at the bar and ordered drinks, though he was relatively quiet throughout the night. He wondered briefly what she was doing, if she had adjusted like he told her he had, if she had reverted back to being that cold scientist she was when they first met…

"Do you miss her?"

Her out of the blue question violently breaking him from his reverie that he thought he hadn't heard her right.

"What?"

"Do you miss her?"

"Who?"

"Temperance. You've been looking for a sign of her since we got here…"

"Not for the reasons you think, Hannah…"

"I think you're trying to avoid her and all the –what do you call them –the squints? Did they do something to make you upset? Did Temperance?"

Booth felt inexplicably saddened by her questions. They hadn't done anything wrong and it didn't even occur to her that his avoidance was as a result of something he had done.

"How do you know I didn't do something?"

Hannah shrugged her shoulders, "I know you, Seeley," so matter-of-factly and so arrogant.

_No you don't._

He wanted to burst her bubble at that moment but was distracted by the sound of the bell above the opening door.

Booth watched as Wendell walked in, an obvious cloud of melancholy around him.

"Wendell!

Wendell attempted to pretend he didn't hear the agent over the noise and merely veered in the opposite direction to the end of the bar farthest from Booth and Hannah. For his part, Booth was taken aback at his behavior, having befriended the young intern some time ago. Hannah must have seen the odd look on his face…

"I don't think he heard you, Seeley… You should go say hello…"

"Yeah, maybe you're right…" he replied, not really looking at her, "you'll be ok for a few minutes?"

"Of course! Why wouldn't I be? Unlike other people, I don't need to be told how to comport myself…"

Booth felt a stab of anger at her comment, clearly directed at Bones, but he didn't have the energy to defend her anymore. Instead, he walked over to where Wendell was obviously waiting for something at the bar. Booth sidled up next to him, not totally oblivious that he was being ignored.

"Hey Wendell … how's it going man?"

Unable to ignore him any longer, Wendell faced him with a look of fake surprise.

"Oh, hey agent Booth, didn't see you there…"

"You waiting on someone? You could wait with me and Hannah until-"

"No thanks, I'm just picking up an order to take back to the Jeffersonian. Jimmy will be here any second with it…"

"You guys are having a party at the lab?"

Booth could have sworn he saw Wendell's eyes cloud over for a brief second at the question.

"No, not a party … just seeing a colleague off…"

Booth couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed that he hadn't been invited to an event at the lab; he still worked with them after all…

"Oh, anyone I know?"

Wendell took a few moments to think of how to answer that question. He knew that Booth had ignored both Dr. Brennan's and Saroyan's phone calls and emails and had been treating Dr. Brennan like dirt … he didn't want to be the one to inform him about her dismissal … he didn't deserve to know anything more about her. So he schooled his features and replied:

"No, no one you know."

"Here you go, kid."

Wendell turned back to the bar to grab his order, "thanks, Jimmy!"

"I put in a bottle of the wine that Dr. Brennan likes so much. Tell her hello for me, will ya?"

Wendell offered a soft smile, "sure, see you later…"

Booth had been watching the exchange silently, trying to gain any sort of information from the guy, but it seemed that Wendell had forgotten that he was there. Wendell grabbed his box and started to head out.

"So… we could really use you on the hockey team again this year … you interested?"

"No thanks, agent Booth, I don't think I'll have time this year … see you around …"

Before he could answer, he was already out the door leaving Booth with a very odd feeling.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The send-off was nice enough. She was glad to be spending her last moments at the lab with her closest friends, her family. Micah dropped by but offered her no words of encouragement; no words of wisdom he had heard from a seminar, he merely hugged her real tight and offered her a gentle smile. Somehow she knew she would see him again. She was most saddened about leaving her interns. She had grown fond of them as people, as students and colleagues. She felt responsible and guilty for having to leave them in the middle of their internships, at the moment, as she remembered from her own experiences, when you are your most vulnerable. And Angela … Angela was distraught, and in loyalty to her not being able to drown her sorrows in alcohol like the others, she also refrained from drinking, and though she was feeling the pain and loss ten-fold without the alcohol to numb it, she put on the bravest, most stoic face she could in order to calm her friend. She found herself making arrangements to have lunch with Angela a few days from now, the same with Cam; made promises that she would not disappear or run to some far off land without discussing it with them first. She felt wanted. She felt missed; she felt alone and sad and a myriad of other emotions and so very tired of keeping up the façade that she was strong and resilient…More than anything, she wanted some release.

After she had convinced everyone to go home, since they still had to work in the morning, she took the last of her belongings to the car along with the bottle Jimmy had sent for her. She sighed in relief when she entered the safe haven of her apartment. She toed off her shoes, hung her coat by the door and dropped her bag on the floor – almost as if she was shedding the weight of the world off her shoulders. Not bothering to turn on the lights, knowing her apartment by memory, she walked over toward her stereo system and pressed play, the bluesy sounds of Big Maybelle's _Pitiful _wailing woefully throughout the darkness:

_I'm pitiful_

_I'm pitiful_

_Feel so sorry for me_

_Pitiful_

_I'm pitiful_

_Feel so sorry for me_

_No, you don't love me_

_Still, you won't set me free…_

She stood there and closed her eyes, though the room was already dark, and let the words wash over her … feeling irrevocably as pitiful as the protagonist in the song …

_Wonder why_

_Wonder why_

_Wonder why you do me like you do_

_I wonder why, I wonder why_

_You do me like you do_

_When you know that I_

_I wouldn't do that to you…_

She sighed heavily, wanting very much to not be thinking of Booth right now, but he infiltrated her every thought, and this frustrated her! She made her way to her kitchen, and searched out a wine glass and the bottle opener. She poured herself a glass and let the taste and the alcohol soothe her fraying nerves, wanting very much to do as Booth had done so easily: adjust. Was there something wrong with her that she couldn't adjust to the situation as quickly as he did? She slid down the side of the counter and sat there in the dark, listening to Big Maybelle, sipping her wine, trying very hard to find some peace:

_Looks like it made you happy_

_When you seen me cryin'_

_Please have mercy on this_

_Aching heart of mine_

_Looks like you're trying to see_

_Just how mean you can be_

_I wouldn't do a dog the way you doin' me…_

Until she noticed her answering machine, it's blinking light a beacon in the dark. She got up slowly and walked over. She pressed the button while taking another sip of her wine. She sipped slowly still, settling into her armchair, listening to messages from her father and Russ – she smiled slightly at the voices of her nieces in the background making a mental note to plan on seeing them one weekend in the near future - and from colleagues wishing her well. The last message made her sit up straighter. Director Cullen's voice caught her off guard and she nearly spilled the wine over herself. She rewound the message believing that she missed something, but only his ominous voice requesting that she meet him in the morning played back.

She really didn't want to go for fear of bumping into Booth at the Hoover, she was still raw emotionally … She had the fleeting thought that maybe she'd be lucky.


End file.
